Today, whilst having a spirited discussion with my parents about normal run of the mill family business, my mom let the following quote fly from her lips.
"Was that Mary Jo or Lil' Jon?"
For those of you unfamiliar with either, Lil' Jon is a musician and somewhat-rapper commonly associated with the crunk movement and Mary Jo is my sixteen year old sister. I've provided pictures of both (Lil Jon is the one wearing the glasses...I think.) My mom's confusion is easy to understand as the similarities are numerous making distinguishing between the two of them virtually impossible. Besides the obvious similarities in appearance, they have quite a bit of behavioral similarities, too. Fortunately, I have developed a system for distinguishing between the two of them that uses their similarities and diffrences.
Similarities
1. Both have at one point in their lives purched neckwear that reads "Hoes ain't shit".
2. Both very much enjoy both reading Twilight and listening to Paramore. Preferably at the same time.
3. Both are huge Atlanta Thrasher and NHL fans.
4. Both have been brought up on gun charges
5. Both assured Chris Brown that Rihanna "had it coming".
6. Both agree that Andy Samberg is "hawt".
7. Both have been praised for their cooking skills.
8. Both have been known to make their own Purple Drank.
9. Both hang out with the Ying Yang Twins.
10. Both weigh between zero and five hundred pounds.
11. Both are either Caucasian or African-American.
12. Both are either male or female.
13. Both have 4 phrases they use with relative consistence.
Etc... Etc.... I could go on forever. They are practically identical. What seperates them is as follows. The only real way to ever tell the two apart.
Diffrences
1. Lil Jon's 4 phrases are "Hey!", "OK!", "YEAH!", and "What?".
Mary Jo's are "Can I have money?", "Drive me to (destination).", "Can you dowload me (song)?", and "Stop it, you are embarassing me.".
2. Lil Jon has never made me cry by stealing my Gameboy while Squirtle was evolving, preventing me from stopping the evolution to ensure Squirtle learned his moves at a lower level.
3. Lil Jon has never been hit in the face with a Gameboy by me after I learned my Squirtle had evolved to Wartortle.
4. Lil Jon has never cried to our parents and tattled on me for Gameboy-whipping him in the mouth.
5. Mary Jo's secret ingredient in Purple Drank is grape Jolly Ranchers. Lil Jon's is codeine.
6. Lil Jon watches Divine Design live. Mary Jo Tivo's it.
If you are in a situation where one of these six scenarios presents itself, you may be able to distinguish between the two. I would not get your hopes up, though.
As you can see, Mom's inability to distinguish her daughter from the Atlanta-based music producer is totally understandable. When I first told her I understood how she could get the two confused, she seemed to think I was being sarcastic. Even now, she seems embarassed by the quote, claiming it was taken out of context and that she was not referring to similarities in behavior or appearance, but rather trying to determine the source of a quote. If you could all help me in letting my mom know that she is not alone and that teenage girls are often confused with hip-hop peformers, I think it would be a load of her mind and help her get over her denial that she is confused between the two of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment