The Academy Awards Circle Jerk.

As you may or may not know, the giant circle jerk of the motion picture industry known as the Academy Awards is coming up. If you don't know what they are, allow me to explain. Every year the people in charge of what goes on the silver screens get together to offer each other awards and tell each other how wonderful they are. It's important that these actors and movie makers receive the credit they deserve as they do so much for our country as a whole and rarely receive any sort of attention. In all seriousness, this is the only awards ceremony for the movie industry, so I guess it's not that selfish or narcissistic.

Oh yeah, but those totally don't count...

To be fair, since I am writing about these awards, I am totally buying into it on a level, so I suppose the hypocrisy meter is off the charts right now. In a counterpoint though, I would probably do a write up on the Garbagemen Yearly Awards (GYAs) were they televised and hyped anywhere near as much.

Due to infringement issues with another well known award, the GYAs are often called the Oscar2's.

Every year people all over the country tune in to watch these awards, usually betting on who will win what and making drinking games out of the amount of times someone cries while accepting their awards (Halle Berry=Shitfaced). While gambling and drinking make the Academy Awards more enjoyable, there is a certain appeal to them on their own. As much as I hate to admit it, the Academy Awards are some of the most accessible awards for the simple reason that the only thing you need to do in order to be educated on the subject is to watch movies. As Americans, we have wasting time on entertainment down to a science, so to contribute analysis about something that requires that we just sit there and enable two of our senses is a dream come true.

There is also a mystique to these awards. A feeling that these people who are winning them are actually the-second-coming of Jesus and will deliver us from our sins. Winning one seems to signify that these lucky recipients have truly arrived, and can now do whatever the fuck they want. Don't believe me? Ok, well here is Adrien Brody...

"Yes, I am an ugly John Cusack."

Not the best looking dude in the world, it's fair to say. He probably will go through his life only hoping that someday he will be able to hold hands with a girl and not have her be totally repulsed. Well, sorry Adrien, but you seem doomed to being a giant, ugly loser forev....

WHAAAAAAA--------

That's right. Seconds after winning an Academy Award, Adrien Brody, not only made out with Halle Berry in front of America, but successfully avoided any legal issues that you think would come of just grabbing someone and making out with them. Did I mention that that is Halle Berry he is making out with? Oh I did? Ok.

While I loathe the grandstanding and self-importance that this event stands for, I can't help but be suckered into all of the hype surrounding it for the simple reason that I love putting my own two cents in, and I love movies. So yes, I am going to bitch about how stupid it is that we buy into this shit and then write multiple posts about it. Hypocrisy is my name. Fucking deal with it.

For a long time now, I've kept an eye on the Academy Awards whenever they roll around. If not for any other reason then to become indignant when things don't go the way I think they should. For example, Christopher Nolan not even receiving a nomination for Best Director with The Dark Knight (Comic book movie, ok. You can get away with snubbing it for best picture, but the fact is Nolan immersed me so much in that world that I didn't even notice how retardedly complex and impractical the Joker's plans were) or how offensive it is that Daniel Day Lewis and Sean Penn have the same number of Oscars.

The directors vetoed Penn's demand that the title be, "Oscar Please?"

This year however, I've decided to get more involved, as this year is the first year that the Acedemy has allowed for ten nominees for best picture as opposed to the usual five. This piqued my interest, after all a more open field should, in theory, make for better competition and hamper the politically bullshit aspect of the awards going to "who should get it" rather than who deserves it. So, I really made a concentrated effort to see all of the Best Picture noms in an attempt to be educated for this Saturday.

Because I live in Caribou, and therefore have limited access to movies beyond the sophistication of The Tooth Fairy, I have only been able to see seven of the ten nominees. Precious, An Education, and The Blind Side still evade my viewing pleasure, so I am currently unable to act incredulous that Mo'nique won the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe over Anna Kendrick. However, for my next few posts, I will be writing up the various Best Picture nominees and giving my own take on them and ranking which ones are really the best in my opinion. Who knows? I might actually manage to swing a viewing of one of my three unviewed noms while I'm at it. Any opinion on which one I should watch first, Gollum?

"Thinks it should watch The Blind Side, I does"

Well, I'm not going to lie. That's not at all the answer I expected.

A Little Sports Talk- Super Sunday

Well, it's finally here. The day advertisers drool over. The day Lions players souls get crushed twice as hard. The day when the sports talking heads stroke their quarterback convictions and opinions on playmakers until they are on the verge of orgasm. It is Super Sunday.

Unlike the last few years, upstart underdogs are absent from this years title bout, with the two obvious favorites in their respective conferences going head to head. 13 games into the season, both the Saints and Colts were undefeated. It's quite rare for two teams to go so deep without a loss and it's no surprise that these teams are now going at it. It's a marquee matchup that is forcing offensive-minded analysts to tuck their boners into their waistbands to hide their throbbing erections for Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, and both teams' terrific airshows.

Fan Take

Some of you may notice that there wasn't a Jets-Colts preview two weeks ago. That was because I literally could not bring myself to write up that game. Outside of a Colts-Steelers matchup it was the perfect nightmare AFC Championship game for a Pats fan. With the hated Colts playing a seemingly revived Jets team that threatens our lock on the AFC East, it was basically a lose-lose for me. I will say, however, that I did pick the Jets as they seemed a phenomenal upset team, and I doubt I will ever hate the Jets as I hate the Colts. Again I lost, bringing my playoff picks to a shocking 2-8 and making the only correct wins I predicted those executed by the Saints.

For me this is a obvious choice. The Saints, who are more America's team than the Cowboys who claim to hold that title, represent a close bond with fans in a city that was devastated in every sense of the word. There are a myriad of feel good stories involved with their rise to championship contenders, most notably Drew Brees's arrival and the seemingly interwoven elevation of his game and Saints rise to greatness. The Saints are the obvious good guys representing hope for their city and an inhuman level of perseverance.

On the other hand we have the Colts. As, a Pats fan, I will obviously color this in a light that is unflattering to the Colts organization. Biases aside, the Colts are quickly assembling a level of infamy to rival our Patriots's title as the most hated team in football. Allegations of canning crowd noise into their home dome to confuse the offense bring up reminders of the supposed Spygate accusations (*cough* false).

However, Peyton Manning has come to represent the everyman success story vs. Tom Brady's superstardom. I am finally come around to the fact that he is the very definition of respect and is always the first to blame himself for Colts problems. He is never selfish and always makes the call to run when the passing game isn't working. His focus is superhuman, also. During the football season you will never see Peyon Manning doing anything to disrupt his focus or make cheap money. Most importantly, he is obviously the most deserving player of the MVP every year he has won it, particularly this year. After all, when you have the same numbers as a guy who pushed his team to it's first winning season in the history of the franchise while being sacked two and half times as much (reads two and half times less protection) you are clearly being awarded it with clarity on behalf of the sportswriters, rather than a laziness to assume that since a team has the best record it's qb is the mvp.

"This game is all about focus and determination. That's why I focus on Sprint's OUTRAGOUSLY low rates!"

I know my fellow Pats fans will try to write this off as a lost sb. We have remarkably long memories and are very proud fans. So the Saints' disassembling of us, inspired a dislike that became associated with the Saints. Not that we dislike the Saints, but dislike the feeling of being so utterly crushed, and we had not felt in quite some time. The Ravens were kind enough to remind us later in the postseason.

But I implore you. Think of the Colts. The ref dicksucking in our game with them this year that manifested itself in a terrible ballspot. The 2006 AFC Championship game. Every time the announcers write off Peyton screaming at receivers as "being a great leader". Really? Are the Saints beating us once to merit any sort of dislike remotely close to level that we feel for the Colts? The Superdome=the location of our first SB victory. I think we know who the clear enemy is here. As I see it, this is a battle of good and evil. The New Orleans Saints are the only thing standing between the Colts and Steelers having more Superbowl wins in my lifetime than the Patriots. So this evening I will be saying "WHO DAT?"

Real Talk

If I didn't hate the Colts so much and have such a respect for the Saints, I might be able to take a step back to admire the fact that this will likely be the highest scoring superbowl for years to come. Hatreds aside, Peyton Manning will likely go down as the greatest qb of all time and his matchup against another arguably Hall Of Fame caliber qb in Brees is something that is very exciting. Just like last week's NFC championship, the name of the game this week is which team will make less mistakes. And honestly, I think that's the Saints. They will need to play better than last week. That much is apparent. However, the Saints have had a kind of perfect postseason to setup a title bout of these proportions. With a blowout victory against the Cards to inspire confidence and a poorly played nail-biter against the Vikings to understand what doesn't work and get shitty play out of their system, the postseason has been a mirror image of their season of both inspired play and humbling experiences. Let's look at the matchups.

Saints O vs. Colts D- You can hardly watch three seconds of ESPN these days without hearing about Dwight Freeney and his ankle. And yes, he and Robert Mathis are two of the greatest D-ends in the league, especially when it comes to pass rushing. But now I'm going to explain why that doesn't matter. Last week the Saints offensive line made the most potent defensive line in the NFL a non-factor. Like the Colts OL, these guys are some of the best ever. No, the real issue here is the troubles that Brees had last week throwing the ball. The Saints will need the guy who played against the Cardinals to show up tonight, rather than the stagnant bum who tossed at the ground for the duration of the Vikings game. I think that last week was an anomaly and he'll be his awesome self again tonight. The Colts D really stand no shot if this happens, given the balanced running attack of visionary Reggie Bush and muscle-man Pierre Thomas. If the Saints are under 28 points at the end of the game. The Colts have done a phenomenal job.

Saints D vs. Colts O- Every week this postseason, NFL experts write off the Saints D as a unit that gives up tons of points and is really a non-factor. Gives up points? Maybe. Non-factor? Definitely not. As some dashing blogger and football enthusiast is quick to point out, the Saints were masters of creating the turnovers in the regular season, and as that same blogger correctly predicted, the story has been the same in the postseason. The Saints have created the most turnover of any team this postseason with 7 (next closest are the Jets, who played 3 games, and Ravens with 5). This defense almost-singlehandly won the NFC for the Saints and is the most underrated defense I have ever come across. That being said, they face a whole nother level of offense in the Colts. The best offensive line in the league is going to give Peyton time and when he has that, there isn't a lot you can do. Even though the Colts' run game is inferior to the Saints', Peyton Manning is the model for consistency in the NFL and this offense hasn't missed a beat all year. Unlike the Vikings, the Colts won't be making a plethora of mistakes, so the Saint's need to capitalize on any that are made. Really, I don't see the Colts messing up that much and I expect them to march for most of the game on the Saints D. The key will be the Saints D hanging in there and pouncing on any Colts miscues.

The Bottom Line:

This is the most even matchup of the postseason and it's only fitting that it is the Superbowl. These teams are mirrors of each other and it will be a nailbiter. Although the Colts passing game is slightly better, I think the Saints superior run game and defense will tip the scales in NOLA's favor.

Saints by 3. WHO DAT?