I Single Handedly Write the Next Big Comedy

For the past two hours, as I packed myself up for my long journey home, I watched 40 Year Old Virgin which I thought I hadn't seen before, but it turns out I have. When it wrapped up, I started thinking about the comedic movie scene and tried to figure out how on Earth (as it's what I've always wanted to do with my life) I could possibly write something that funny. Then I started to look at some of my favorite comedies of the past two years and I began to see base sets and formulas for writing a successful comedic script.

First you need a story line. 90% of the comedies I love come from one of two groups of actors. There is the Will Ferrell set (Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, John C. Reilly, Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson) and the Seth Rogen set (Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Bill Hader). These sometimes, but rarely, overlap (Stepbrothers). Even more rare is that a decent comedy comes out that doesn't contain one of these guys (The Hangover).

Upon closer inspection I've found that these groups have a set common theme for each of their movies. The Will Ferrell set formula is "protagonists have odd or strange occupation or hobby that is threatened in the movie by an antagonist and then resolved". These movies are characterized by humorous plays on exaggeration and heavy quotability. (Zoolander, Wedding Crashers, Old School, Starsky and Hutch, Dodgeball, Anchorman, Stepbrothers.)

On the other hand the Seth Rogen set is "normal guys deal with a life trouble everyone eventually has and have a strange time while doing it" (Pineapple Express exception) Seth Rogen comedies are characterized by their unabashed, raunchy, dude talk and snappy dialogue combined with real-life elements that most people experience. (Superbad, 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I Love You Man.)

So let's make a movie! We'll go with the Seth Rogen set. So now we need a life trouble. Let's say the protagonist is fresh out of college and the movie is about his job search. Well, here is a selection from the script as Ryan (Jonah Hill and the protagonist) talks to his older brother (Seth Rogen) about the job search.

JOHN: How the hell could they not hire me? I went to Princeton, for fuck's sake. You know who went to Princeton? Fucking Woodrow Wilson, Ethan Cohen, even fucking Aaron Burr. Princeton blew Hamilton's head off his body and onto the ten.
MIKE: Did you wear those pants?
JOHN: Yeah
MIKE: Jesus, no wonder they didn't hire you.
JOHN: What's wrong with these pants? I got them at Men's Wearhouse.
MIKE: For one, It looks like you got them at a Men's Bathouse. They are the exact color of jizz.
JOHN: They are not the color of jizz. Jizz is a darker shade of cream.
MIKE: Have you ever seen jizz before? Do you even look into the tissue when your are done beating it?
JOHN: What? Why in fuck would I do that?
MIKE: What if something's wrong? What if there's blood in it or it comes out clear?
JOHN: Jesus!
MIKE: No bro, I'm serious. Checking the condition of your load is an important part of health. My friend Cal died of Ferringhopper's disease. Easy to deal with if they catch it early. But the only symptom is blood in the jizz. Strawberry cheesecake, is street name the doctors gave that symptom. Anyway if Cal had just taken a look inside the paper after flogging the dolphin, maybe he'd be here today. I thought I had it once. Turns out I was just a little hard on the old yogurt slinger.
JOHN: Well, until the high schools put out the "Your Jizz and You" informational videos for Health class I'm going to stick to the blind trial. And I doubt my pants being your shade of Jizz had anything to do with it.

I wrote it at three in the morning, so the jokes aren't the best. However, you get the point... Have a crazy job or hobby that you think might work as a movie? Try the Will Ferrell formula.

As you can see anyone can make a funny comedy. Come on America! Put your minds to it and write some funny movies.