Facebook.
Yes, we've all come to know and love facebook as that website you can use to stalk people in a more socially acceptable manner than going through their mail. Facebook is used to locate people and look at whatever they want people on the internet to see, such as what books they want people to think they like (most put "I don't read books"). The most important feature, however is that of the friend system. A friend is made on facebook when one person requests a friendship and the other agrees to it. Now these friendships can have five different meanings depending on the person. To help those of you not as savvy with facebook I will breakdown the five categories for you.
Class 1, The Top Friend: The Top Friends are friends you hang out with now a lot or used to hang out with a lot. When you talk to someone on facebook, chances are it's one of these people. They are the best. (Note: Make sure that all top friends are stored properly in the Top Friend application.)
Class 2, The Acquaintance: Fuck yes, we know each other. These people are likely friends with your top friends. You likely see this person at large gatherings, and make it a point to talk to one another and mention how you two should really hang out more (this rarely happens). After about 4 to 5 of these meetings within a 2 month period one of you happens across the other in facebook and says "Hey I know (him/her/that) we should be friends!". These people are excellent to send those pesky "send to twenty of these your friends" things to.
Class 3, The Facer: This person is always on facebook and lives for it like Chuck Norris lives for pain. They want everyone in their (high school/college/community/c
Class 4, Wall and App Girls: Now, let me clarify here. I'm not biased in any way... Ok I am, but these people tend to be girls so I'll stick with it. These girls have so many goddamn apps and they want you to be part of it. When you visit their page, you have to scroll for about 12 minutes before you reach their wall. They play Jetman and Scrabulous. They are a Knicks fan and a Lions fan and a Mariners fan, they have a super wall, they compare movies on flixter. The list goes on and on. After these girls trick you into friending them, you'll get pounded with App invites more than Ken Schrader got pounded with hate mail (Sorry, that's too obscure. He's the driver who crashed into Dale Earnhardt and killed him). If that's not enough, these girls use walls like they are the inbox and messaging systems. They write back and forth like four words at a time, rather than just use IM or something. Again once they have you as a friend they will try to suck you in by leaving "hooking" wall posts on your wall. Here is the wall to wall for one such victim.
"Hey."
(I mean, what to you say to that?) "Hey.... any particular reason you wrote 'hey' on my wall? Did I do something?"
"rofl, no, what r u doin?"
"Checking Facebook."
"coolz"
"yeah."
"Omg, u r so funny"
"Thanks(?)"
"We should hang out soon"
"Ok, yeah we should."
"Great!"
I think you get the picture. Before you friend, always check their wall and apps.
Class 5, Creepy McStalker: Before when you had a Xanga, this person's footprints where all over your pages. Now, in the more stealthy facebook, he can get back to doing what he does best, keeping tabs on you. He's got your interests memorized cold and he could recite your favorite quotes in his sleep. You regret friending him every day, and just wish he would go away. (Just like your douchebag friend from middle school!)
Hopefully you all go into facebook a little more educated about the do's and dont's. Remember, Class 5's are bad, unless you are one of them. Then it's cool. You're not obsessing. You just want to see if you like what she likes. Right? Right.....?
No comments:
Post a Comment