The Death Star, Expensive In More Ways Than One.

Today I'd like to examine one of the greatest feats of construction ever pulled off. The pyramids? Fuck No! Lebron James's house. Closer, but no. I am talking of course about the mighty Death Star, the largest space station ever constructed. If you must know the runner-up in a distant second is the mother ship from Independence Day which was a quarter of the size of the moon. Now, this was a pretty ambitious effort from the Imperial Army. I mean lets look at the costs. First off, materials. Where do you get enough alloys to build a station the size of a moon. If you are the Imperial Army. You've got to be mining some serious alloy! Those miners are going to want compensation because their work is so dangerous, and chances are if you need enough alloy to build a station as big as the Death Star, you need a lot of miners. Next come independent contractors. This was touched upon briefly in the movie Clerks. You need all kinds of contractors, plumbers, electrician, giant blow-your-fucking-planet-up-if-you-don't-tell-us-where-the-rebel- base-is-and-don't-you-dare-say-Dantooine laser makers. I mean you have to have the best of the best if you want to make this space station, and that doesn't come cheap. You need a power source good enough to power the whole station, even if it does does have a little bit of a drawback (Hint: Try hitting the exhaust port with a torpedo to see what it is.). Legal isssues shouldn't be too much of a problem as you can have Vader silence any law firm rather quickly.

What about space? I mean you need enough acreage to fit a goddamn moon into. I mean you could by that realty next to Alderaan, but if they were to be next to each other too long, they would gravitate and crash into one another. If there was only a way to make is so there was only one...

As you can see, It takes a lot to build the Death Star. So I'm going to answer the age-old question right now. Why did the Empire Strike Back? Because you rebel ruined the greatest fucking architectural accomplishment a galaxy far, far away has ever seen. I mean, yeah, maybe the Empire should have spent a little more money on security or a safer power source, but just because the Stone Hedge isn't guarded well doesn't mean you draw graffiti on it. I mean, I understand the Death Star was going to blow up Yavin IV, but to be quite frank I think that wouldl have been doing the galaxy a favor.

And what's even more infuriating is that the Death Star is blown up a second time. This the rebels at least have the courtesy to fucking save Empire a little money by not waiting till it's finished. But c'mon! You've got to respect that after going through all that shit the first time with the building process, they would do it a second time. It's got to be frustrating to be the head of development for the Empire. I mean imagine being in a meeting.

Meeting between Heads of Departments within the Empire

Development: Ok, we've been given the go ahead for a second Space Station, but I really need some commitment from you guys this time.

Armed Forces: Well, we kind of don't like to protect anything that doesn't have a specific weakness... You know it makes the guys jobs seem a little more important.

Development: Are you fucking serious? Last time, we did that, you FUCKING FAILED and it got blown up! No. Just guard it while it's being built. That will be the only time when it will be vulnerable. Umm, I'd also like to, adress the name Death Star. It's not real positive and I think it might be the reason people are so eager to blow it up.

Public Relations: NO! They must fear us!

Development: With all due respect Lord Vader. I don't think you are a great fit for public relations. I mean it's just that Gaaaaaaaaaaa......

Well, you get the picture. It was pretty frustrating to be that guy. And, the rebels didn't make it any easier for him. Well, Head of Development, this post is dedicated to you.