Her single "Tik Tok" has been on top of iTunes for (give or take) 3 weeks due to her ability to ride the thin line between Lady Gaga's raucous, synth party music and Miley Cyrus's hopeful, feel good pop rock, simultaniously drawing valuable fans from both demographics. This means that myself and every other teenage girl have been aquiver with anticipation for this album, desperately listening to what we have lying around to kill the time (RA RA AH AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA MA MA, GA GA OO LA LA).
Now, when Tik Tok first came out, I totally fell in love with the song, but I did notice the questionable lyrics for a song that I would witness a 6 year-old sing 5 days later. I don't know about you guys, but if I passed out in a tub, the thought of whisky, moving, or even toothpaste would induce dry heaving. I'm calling you on that shit right now, Ke$ha. She goes on to teach other phenomenal lessons for the female college hopeful. Happiness, ("Ain't got a care in the world but got plenty of beer") optimism, ("Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here") and even problem solving, ("Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk") are all explained in the various lyrics.
To be fair, it is a party song, and bottom line is that I consider it one of the most valuable party tracks of the year. So nice job Ke$ha, I'm even willing to forgive your retarded insistence to place a dollar sign in your name. "Hmmm, how do I dick over and frustrate people who want to easily find me on iTunes or You Tube?" Thank god her original spelling, |<3$|-|@, was taken when a fifteen year old her tried to make her My Space account.
Once I had pirated the album off of Limewire, (Oh calm the fuck down, I buy albums I actually like and listen to) I found all my wishes for more of the same party-synth-pop-rock fulfilled immediately. I hopped about my living room performing every stupid dance move from the simply pelvic thrust, to the patented Knocked Up dice roll, and even the Jersey Shore fist pump.
Me and my boys getting ready to fist pump the shit out of it.
"Errybody getting crunk, crunk."For example, the chorus to her song "Take It Off" goes like this.
There's a place downtown,
Where the freaks all come around.
It's a hole in the wall.
It's a dirty free for all.
Wow, sounds appealing. Or like a strip club/AIDS den. The freaks coming around is particularly appealing for me. Maybe, I can grind up on a bearded lady or an elephant man. I'm not going to lie, this is like a conversation you would have with that Uncle you tried to sell you weed when you were eight. Ok Ke$ha, you have one more verse in your chorus to convince me that this place is wonderful. And...GO!
There's a place I know
If you're looking for a show.
Where they go hardcore
And there's glitter on the floor.
Oops, see that show part seems to suggest hookers. Then, the 'they go hardcore' really confirms that hooker suspicion in my mind. Luckily, there is glitter on the floor. So it's a whorehouse and Jo-Ann Fabrics. I knew Nana was after more than sewing equipment. She's goes on to mention people breaking bottles and demand that you take it off. Broken glass, glitter, and herpes. It just sounds like I wanna be naked there.
But that just could have been a particularly offensive track, right? Oh dear.
In what is shaping up to be one of the more popular tracks of the album, Blah Blah Blah features the power duo 3OH!3. If you don't remember this particularly sensitive pair of gentlemen, maybe I could remind you of their hit song "Don't Trust Me". You know! Where the chorus is "Don't trust a hoe" three times, and they drop the 'holy fuck did they really just say that' lyric "Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips".
There's a place downtown,
Where the freaks all come around.
It's a hole in the wall.
It's a dirty free for all.
Wow, sounds appealing. Or like a strip club/AIDS den. The freaks coming around is particularly appealing for me. Maybe, I can grind up on a bearded lady or an elephant man. I'm not going to lie, this is like a conversation you would have with that Uncle you tried to sell you weed when you were eight. Ok Ke$ha, you have one more verse in your chorus to convince me that this place is wonderful. And...GO!
There's a place I know
If you're looking for a show.
Where they go hardcore
And there's glitter on the floor.
Oops, see that show part seems to suggest hookers. Then, the 'they go hardcore' really confirms that hooker suspicion in my mind. Luckily, there is glitter on the floor. So it's a whorehouse and Jo-Ann Fabrics. I knew Nana was after more than sewing equipment. She's goes on to mention people breaking bottles and demand that you take it off. Broken glass, glitter, and herpes. It just sounds like I wanna be naked there.
But that just could have been a particularly offensive track, right? Oh dear.
In what is shaping up to be one of the more popular tracks of the album, Blah Blah Blah features the power duo 3OH!3. If you don't remember this particularly sensitive pair of gentlemen, maybe I could remind you of their hit song "Don't Trust Me". You know! Where the chorus is "Don't trust a hoe" three times, and they drop the 'holy fuck did they really just say that' lyric "Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips".
"Dayum gurl! Back dat azz up!"
Alright, what do you have for us Ke$ha. This song takes place in a club, so let's see what you do to try to catch a guy's eye.
I dont really care where you live at
Just turn around boy and let me hit that.
Dont be a little bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where your dicks at.
Wow.
So first off, with regards to the dick, it's gonna tend to be in the same place on most guys. So I guess I could draw you a map, but really between the legs is where you are going to want to go with that one pretty much every time. Second of all, the "chit chat" that makes me a "bitch" is probably "You're fucking (drunk/crazy/trying to commit rape/all the above). Let me out of this corner now." I'm a little perturbed that I need to turn around in order for her to "hit that". Maybe my anatomy isn't what it once was, but I think that me being turned around will make things more difficult than necessary. She goes on to ask that you "put a little love in her glove box", in the most subtle lyric since Lady Gaga's disco stick.
In all seriousness, Animal is a great party album that gets progressively better as you crank the volume. I could make jokes about how the cover of the album looks like she just gave C-3P0 head, but really she's following in Lady Gaga's footsteps with the in-your-face party all day music. She even manages to do it without creating haunting images that will be burned into my memory forever.
I dont really care where you live at
Just turn around boy and let me hit that.
Dont be a little bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where your dicks at.
Wow.
So first off, with regards to the dick, it's gonna tend to be in the same place on most guys. So I guess I could draw you a map, but really between the legs is where you are going to want to go with that one pretty much every time. Second of all, the "chit chat" that makes me a "bitch" is probably "You're fucking (drunk/crazy/trying to commit rape/all the above). Let me out of this corner now." I'm a little perturbed that I need to turn around in order for her to "hit that". Maybe my anatomy isn't what it once was, but I think that me being turned around will make things more difficult than necessary. She goes on to ask that you "put a little love in her glove box", in the most subtle lyric since Lady Gaga's disco stick.
In all seriousness, Animal is a great party album that gets progressively better as you crank the volume. I could make jokes about how the cover of the album looks like she just gave C-3P0 head, but really she's following in Lady Gaga's footsteps with the in-your-face party all day music. She even manages to do it without creating haunting images that will be burned into my memory forever.
"Hey, Lady Gaga never burnt a haunting image into my... OH MY GOD!"
Seriously, Lady Gaga. The music is tight, but for fuck's sake.
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